if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
