I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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