I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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