i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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