so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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