You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
