At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
