I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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