maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
should my penis look like a turkey
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
