people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She bit a glass in half.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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