so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
