He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
