Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
