I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
