Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
