apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
