he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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