I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
