I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
