I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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