I want to walk on stilts...naked
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
