yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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