Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
