ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
