I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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