I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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