my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
