Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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