so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
