Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
