Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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