If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
