Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
