We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So much Jack, so little girl.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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