Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
