I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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