Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
