i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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