I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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