whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
