Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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