A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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