I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need a beard to bite.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
