I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
