Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
