The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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