guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
