Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
