Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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