Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
