I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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