just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
