The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
